oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
