Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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