saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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