He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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