wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
