Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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