Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
