How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
His nipple licking is glorious
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