We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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