Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
