i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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