I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
