Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize