She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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