Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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