listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
