so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
