Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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