but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
