Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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