I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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