Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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