hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I need to stop coming to work sober
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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