I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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