He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
