I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
