please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
