i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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