i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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