Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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