He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
