I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
