so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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