Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
