she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
