just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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