She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
