Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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