I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
