I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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