Just fell off a train. Bad.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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