There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
time to smoke my breakfast
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
