Reggie can tackle my bush.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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