when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
