i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
