she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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