just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
