drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
