glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
