my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
