i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
