I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Are my feet made of real feet?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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