I hate your face
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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