Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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