you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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