I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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