I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
