She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
