If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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