The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
