I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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