pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
