come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
