I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
