Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
