So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
