You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
