I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
